You thought I was a refuge for your fragility
And so, you poured your love over my foundations,
Believing my roots will ground you…
But I had no roots…
You wanted a grounded presence
And I was content to sail through life with no goal set,
No place grounding me,
no attachments holding me accountable,
no soul truly seeing the ache in my heart…
just pleasure, buying the youth that is escaping from me,
and feeling ashamed because I truly love you…
Your presence became a nuisance in my life,
Always demanding more…
But I wanted nothing more than numbing myself at night
And forgetting the life I was given…
Forgetting the deep confusion, you seeded in me…
I wanted to be strong, but you made me weak,
You touched all the chords in my heart,
You made me feel a tenderness I cannot handle…
So, I had no choice…
I had to push you away so I could be happy with not being…
But mostly, so my conscience will stop saying that I could be more,
That I can be the man you see in me…
That I could be the man…
That I could be a man,
And not an unregulated child unable to process my emotions…
I don’t know why I told you I care for you,
I just don’t know why I cared for you so much…
I even told you that I love you more that you love me,
And I know you loved me like no one else…
I know…
but it felt so weak to continue saying I cared…
You thought I was unmoved by your love,
When my words ceased calling your name,
When the silence erased us from the stories
We build together on a summer day…
You thought my eyes ceased reading your words,
Seeing your soft face from afar,
Listening to the soothing sound of your voice at night…
You thought I stopped loving you
when my silence became the only shield protecting my heart…
I know you wanted more,
But I truly was a child, who didn’t know how to love you…
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