AMANTE DE LA LUNA

Restless night,
Endless thoughts, fear and pain.
What keeps me up at night,
It is not the things that you broke around me,
Nor the hope I lost of a better life,
Or the longing for a liberty without a price…
It is something deep inside me
That has been shattered at the touch of your fingertips,
As you poured your darkness inside my soul
and crushed my future within your hands…
It is not the things that you broke around me,
That keep me up at night,
It is the deep fear tattooed on my soul,
the fear that I will never be whole again,
the feeling that I will forever be brokenhearted,
That I will go through life
with this sense that something is missing within me,
although I know this pain is temporary…
Most of all,
the fear that I will forever live with the knowledge
that I can forgive you
but I’ll never be able to forgive myself
and bring back the light you took out of me…
I don’t think I can feel fear anymore,
it all has dissipated in this mélange of grief and deep sadness…
There are days when the tenderness in my soul
want to pour down my cheeks but it all seems pointless…
There are days when the pain in my lungs
want to escape my body in the loudest howl
that my breath allows
but I can’t manage to cut through the silence…
I miss all the things I’ve lost,
the things I didn’t allow myself to grieve…
I miss my father’s discipline,
my dog’s playfulness,
and my mother’s health,
I miss my father-in-law’s simplicity,
and I miss myself,
the one I was before the world torn down my foundations…
I am trying to seduce the life that is escaping from me…
Making sense of this deep grief for all the things
I have lost since I gifted you my love and my devotion.
I feel exhausted and devastated,
been fighting, for so long,
the vultures that are trying to rip my skin
while I am still living…